I expressed my interest in raising chickens this year to a friend of mine. Later on she called to say she had some extra chicks, and would we like some? Why yes, we would. Now we have a small flock of four barred rocks, and everyone is enjoying them. I’m not sure if they are enjoying us yet–they react quite strongly when my toddler comes by for a look. These are our first pets as a family (minus a few fish). We’ve never really wanted a traditional dog or cat, but we have always wanted chickens.
We all have a little voice in our head telling us what is right and wrong. The voice is often independent of the values we grew up with. It doesn’t change, although if we listen it is clearer, and if we ignore it, it might go away. In all cultures and society, certain things are always seen as right or wrong. There has always been good vs evil.
In my church we call refer to this as part of the light of Christ. With our upbringing and past experience, sometimes our conscience is different for each of us. I think if heeded, it will over time take us to about the same place, although the path might be widely different for everyone.
I think we can’t be too good, and it is better to be far on the right side than to try to see what the edge is. But even if I try my best, I end up doing things that eat at my conscience. I know when my path is less than perfect: everyone knows an abundance of their own weakness. I also know when I do things well, and I know my strengths.
Life is more black and white than I think we often make it out to be. Complications usually only come when we are trying to justify less than good behavior.
This is a short series outlying the fundamental beliefs I have. For more see:
Truth is Absolute
Redeemed
Our first real project in the yard was building a sandbox. I’m still waiting and observing before I tackle a lot of other projects, but I knew a sandbox would get immediate and prolonged use. I still remember playing in our large sandbox while I was growing up. My siblings and I would build volcanoes and elaborate landscapes. and then fill it up with water from the hose.
I choose a spot that wasn’t too close to the house, so that the there was a lower chance of tracking sand in. It had to be easily observed from inside, so the kids could go out and play and I wouldn’t have to come with them. And it also had to be away from anything prickly (and we have a variety of prickly things throughout the yard).
After choosing a spot, I just stared digging a bit to get an idea of what I wanted. To make the sandbox, I wanted to use material we had on hand. So I gathered some of the various items we have been saving for such projects and formed a good idea of what I what we were going to do.
And it kinda sat in a big pile for a week, because I can drag my feet when it comes to heavy digging. Luckily my husband is a harder worker than me, and in just a short amount of time he had it dug out and ready for sand.
We use logs for the sides (found on site), and sheet piles for the rear retaining wall. The sheet piles were from a construction job my brother-in-law was working on. (Construction garbage can be very useful for landscape projects.) The logs were secured with stakes and screws.
Then we dumped in a truckload of sand. We had a bit too much sand for the box, so we might have to adjust later on, but it works for now.
Like I anticipated, this did get immediate and frequent use. My oldest son had hardly ever asked to go outside; I’m always pushing him to go out and play. But he asks me to go outside all the time now, and he and his little brother sit and the sandbox and do what little boys do for hours.
I had been wanting to hike Waterfall Canyon in Ogden for a long time. Finally, I decided that on Saturday we would go. The weather was nice, and it should be early enough in the season that it wouldn’t be too crowded. But then Joe had to work a little bit, I had a baby shower to go to, and knowing that the kids would make it slow, we couldn’t find a good time to go. I decided just to go without Joe.
The boys and I embarked. I knew if we were going to make it we would have to take it slow. Although I was imagining slow walking, the boys were more interested in just getting distracted. Like playing in the sand.
After awhile Mr. C had no interest in moving forward: throwing rocks was far more interesting. I put him in the carrier. We soon broke off the larger path and headed up the canyon where it was more rocky. PB shot off, and I only saw him periodically until we got to the falls. Climbing over the rocks was very fun for him, and he ended up being a great hiker.
We made it to the falls, and it took us less time than I expected.
The start of the way back was the hardest: it was steep and rocky and both boys were slipping and freaking out. I had to carry Mr. C again, and then we did much better. It was a lot of fun, and I would do it again, although it is nice to have Joe around to carry the toddler. (We just like him too.) But I think me and PB could hike anything.
I’ve struggled with mental issues for a long time. Today has been a bit of a dark day. I’m just trying to keep pushing through, although I’ve considered changing about every aspect of my life. I’ve mentally thrown out everything in my life, fired myself from all my projects, told myself to stop trying.
Didn’t stick. Because I did it because I felt depressed, not because what I was doing was causing depression. I look at my life and I have no reason to be depressed, especially now. That doesn’t mean I can just wish away all the dark feelings I have.
But I can keep going. Maybe a little slower, a little more humble, but I can keep going. Ignore all the blackness that does not come from the truth of my life. Forgive myself when I am weak. And take advantage of what I do love, even if it doesn’t feel as joyful today as it always does.
I don’t understand all the emotions I have, and the more I try, the more issues I often end up with. When I stop trying, and instead look inside myself for Truth, truth that comes from Christ, the unmoving rock, then I can find peace.
I imagine my emotions at three levels, see below.
The surface emotions are out of my control in many respects. They are reactions. These are always the first emotions I feel to a situation. They are best acknowledged and ignored. For instance, I might feel angry over my toddler spilling juice all over. The best think I can do is acknowledge that I’m angry, and then choose not to act in anger.
Attitudes are directly controlled by my efforts. So when the toddler spills juice, I ignore my initial anger. I instead choose an attitude of love. Attitudes are emotional actions, and are what I need to focus on when I do try to change my emotions.
Being is the result of my attitudes, and is the core of what I am. Being is joy if I am striving to live a good life, if I choose good attitudes. Being, joy, is a gift from God and is directly related to my relationship with him.
So I’m thinking about this, thinking about today, and how I feel a little down. That initial bad feeling is the surface emotion. Let’s ignore it. If I go down to my core being, I find a foundation of joy. No problem. My heart is where it needs to be. My attitude: well, it turns out I’m feeling a little selfish. I need to start focusing outward. I feel better.
I hate getting knocked down by bad attitudes: but I do have complete control over them. I’m not ever going to avoid feeling bad at times: but I can focus on my foundation, focus on where my attitude needs to be, and I can be stronger.
While studying permaculture, the biggest change that I’ve found in my garden design approach is patience.
I don’t have a landscape plan for my house. I have ideas, but nothing else. My husband brings up possible problems, design ideas, and I just think, “We’ll see.”
Permaculture is all about observing. I’ve only been here a few months, most of which has been in the dead of winter. I can’t plan everything yet–I don’t know the sun angle in relation to the trees in the summer and exactly what areas get full sun or full shade. I don’t know how the irrigation water will run, what areas will be more wet or dry. I don’t know what weeds grow where, and I haven’t dug around in the soil that much.
I could guess, make a plan. I’ve done it all the time, because I don’t have the luxury of sitting on client’s work for months at a time. But with my home, where nothing is pressing, I’m content to wait and observe for a year before I start finalizing plans and ripping out grass or seed meadows. I will do some things: take away what I know I don’t want, start some cover crops, and provide play areas for my children. I’m still planting a vegetable garden. But I’m not in a hurry to order a bunch of fruit trees and start building raised beds.
What I’ve found while observing, is that the first design ideas get tossed away, modified, and mostly improved. New ideas come, and because everything is still flexible, I can incorporate them easily. Problems in the landscape aren’t horrible, because I have yet to determine what everything will be and can easily adjust. Waiting is a good thing.
We cut down the shrubs in the fall, but their ugly stumps remained above the ground all winter. I wasn’t opposed to leaving them and letting them decay on their own…but my husband (Joe) knew this was a less than ideal situation, and so we started digging. And digging some more. The stumps remained firmly rooted. I gave up and told Joe to get them out.
So one day Joe bought a long metal tool home after work. (I’m not exactly sure what to call it, or what it is actually designed for. It is simply a long, sturdy metal pole that has a sharp side and a flat side.) Joe rides his bike to work, so somehow he managed to bring a heavy, six foot long pole home while riding a bike.
Within fifteen minutes, one stump was gone, and the rest soon followed. We are left with beautiful planting beds, that have been naturally tilled by roots and have the added organic matter of many years of needle shed. I’ve already planted one with peas, lettuce, radishes and a few herbs.
The kids adore dancing downstairs. The black light makes it even more fun. And PB’s new shirt glowing bright green with a black light was an added bonus.
I love this kid. He just keeps getting cuter the older he gets. And now he’s two!
We enjoyed a visit to the train museum/mode train festival in Ogden too. Mr. C loved it. He managed to derail a train too, after falling down on top of it.
My appearance has been something I have been thinking about for a while. I stumbled across this website (which I explored but did not purchase anything). I had Curly Girl 
Part of me was enthralled that I could actually study how to look good. I was a nerd in high school, and I was never quite comfortable with how I looked. To re-study fashion/style was a lot of fun, thinking about how I could actually look great if I wanted to.
But after a few weeks of thinking about it, I realized that I liked how I look. While studying style, I started to want to fix something that just wasn’t broken. I like my clothes, my hair, my make-up and ultimately had no desire to change them all.
I’m not even close to fashionable. But I also do not go around in my pajamas. I strike a nice medium: I do go around in clothes that I don’t mind dirt and spit on (as a homemaker and avid gardener, I get a lot of both). But I still feel cute and not frumpy in what I wear.
I will never fit in with my looks. Being a gawky 6’1″, with short curly hair ensures that. But I’m learning it is better to be true to myself and what I like than trying please other people.
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