Star Wars

I think how I feel after I do a task is much more important how I feel before. For instance, I often don’t feel like playing with my children. After I do play with them, I feel quite happy and I’m glad I took the extra time to show them how to cut out paper dolls and play war.

It was a rainy day. The lightning kept me awake last night. But luckily, it was sunny during soccer. Peter had all his grandparents there and goofed off all game.

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We worked inside a bunch. Henry’s bedroom needs some Flor dots, and then it will be ready for furniture.

Tonight, we finally watched Star Wars. We like to keep up with current movies by waiting six months so we already know everything that happens in them.

Tulips

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Today I: walked by the temple, went to preschool music time,  cleaned, ate lunch, folded laundry, edited photos, had a snack, planted seeds, went to the thrift store for bulletin boards and  time with Curtis. We had pizza for dinner (Joe makes it because he is better at it than I), and played a game with the family. Peter didn’t like it, but I think that had more to do with the not winning part. The game was pretty fun.

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I love when children don’t follow the instructions. Art is never about following instructions, but creating new things.

Homesteading

I love to garden. In the morning. I’m lazy about it in the afternoon. Sometimes, timing is everything.

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The afternoon is a good time to get projects done on the computer, like this presentation for a class I’m doing next week, and to go places.

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We went to pick up some more chicken feed and came home with four very tiny eaters. They were too irresistible at the feed shop. There are two buff orpingtons and two that are some type of sex-link.

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Attic

We had story time at the library. Our library is horribly strict for damaged books. If my toddler rips a board book (they are designed for toddlers) that was already damaged (which is why he managed to rip it), and I am open and honest about the incident, I don’t think I should have to pay the full replacement cost of the book.

After lunch, naps and budgeting, I headed up to the attic to tidy. I finished a couple hours and a huge box full of garbage later. Sort of finished. The storage closets in my attic are junk traps, and I still have a lot to go through.

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Attic, aside

I went on a walk this morning, played with the boys. I had a psychotherapy appointment. So nervous, but it did go really well and I have a few things to work on. A lot of it was just acknowledging my weaknesses and that I’m human. I won’t always have the answers or skills necessary to deal with things, and that’s okay. And mindfulness. I doubt you can have too much mindfulness, and there are always different aspects of it that I’m still learning about.

 

Bike Ride

I felt a little bit down in the morning. Whenever I do that, I just want to stop and give up. But when I push through and keep going, like I did today, the darkness does dissipate. It gets better. Sitting there and ruminating about it is a quick way to make it last longer.

The day was spent mostly cleaning and playing with my wonderful kids. We went on a bike ride to the park. I think it was the longest bike ride Peter has successfully made. Except he crashed right before we got home. It might take him a while before he gets back on the bike again.

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Potty training my middle child is still going quite poorly. I attached a potty alarm to him today. It went off a lot. He’s been out of diapers for five months, potty training for far longer. I don’t need advice either: I’m quite well read on the subject. I can’t get Peter to try new foods and can’t get Curtis to potty train. Because with both things, there has to be effort and willingness from them. No matter how many things I can try, I can’t change them. I do hope and pray that they will grow up and get a bit better. And I still keep trying.

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Slow

I felt a little slow. I woke up after some crazy dreams a bit dazed and it set the pace for the entire day. In the past, I tended to get mad at myself when days like this occur. I could make myself so upset that I wouldn’t actually get anything done at all.

Today I accepted that it would be a slow day. The day went fine, albeit a little bit slower than normal. I completed the tasks that I wanted to get done, I spend good time playing and working with my family. And when I found myself drifting toward distraction, even for quite a long period, when I caught myself I just stopped and went and used my time better. I consciously avoided beating myself up over a very small mistake.

It doesn’t help to be hard on myself. I have weaknesses and I make mistakes, and I don’t want to excuse them. But going back and reliving those mistakes, analyzing them to the point of anger, and beating myself up over often insignificant decisions is not a good way to live. Allowing myself to be human, weakness and all, and simply trying my best right now is freeing.

I think that is the gift that Christ gave me. He created a way so that I don’t have to live in the past, harrowed up by my sins and weakness. I can live now, I can enjoy a beautiful life and a bright future.

Trying

An image of a child running combined with a quote by Elder Holland: “Keep trying. … Heaven is cheering you on.”

I was able to talk to my primary kids about baptism today. I was reminded of my own baptism. I think I was baptized a lot out of expectation and culture. I did enjoy going to church. I prayed and tried to read my scriptures and do the right thing. Although I didn’t understand completely the covenants I made, or the need of my Savior, I did want to continue going to church and doing good things. That’s why I was baptized.

We had home teachers over and a family birthday party at night, and I am socially exhausted. I tend to tense up around people, especially ones I don’t know well, and it is good to finally be by myself and actually relax.

Saturday

I painted a floor.

I went on a walk, and met my family at a new pond we had fun exploring. I’m happy to find new places to visit, even after living here for three years.

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The garden is really weedy, but weeds are only a problem if you see them that way. When we moved in, I remember digging in the soil and not finding any worms anywhere. Now the worms are all over. I think a big reason for this cha nge is my weeds.

I weed when I have something else I’m trying to grow or where I am trying to maintain appearances. In most of my garden weeds grow freely. I haven’t tilled, I haven’t sprayed. If I’m not trying to grow something,  I will cut or mow the weeds down if they get huge, and selectively take out the more noxious ones. I also rotate my chicken pasture, and they do a good job of tearing things up. I use lots of organic mulch as well, including wood chips, straw and leaves in areas where I’m trying to keep weeds away.

My “weedy” garden has better soil from this treatment. Tilling and spraying are awful. Chickens and weeds are awesome. I like to think of weeds as a free cover crop. I know that even if my atypical garden won’t be called beautiful now, down the road it will be easier to get new plants established because I’m building the soil. With weeds.

I see plenty of bare patches exposed to herbicides and useless tillage, all to get rid of the heinous plague of weeds. But in the process, an opportunity is missed to cheaply and easily build up soil.

My neighbor recently sprayed this empty plot with week killer. It’s a normal bi-yearly occurrence.

A few suggestions if you would like to use weeds to build soil:

  • Get to know your weeds. Some are noxious and need to be removed.
  • Cut weeds back before flowering to prevent their further spread.

When you are ready to move from weeds to plants:

  • Chickens and other animals to a great job of cleaning the place up.
  • Plant a late fall or late spring cover crop or new planting. Weeds come in two stages: winter annuals that germinate in the late fall and are the primary weeds in the spring,  and summer annuals that germinate in late spring and are the primary weeds in the summer and fall. Time your cover crops after the previous stage has started to flower or die back, and before the next stage has germinated. This takes a bit of observation to get the right timing. With the right timing, the cover crop has the advantage and will help eliminate many weeds. Just cut back the weeds that are ending and seed the new cover crop or planting. I started a clover lawn this way.
  • Mulch. Fall leaves, straw, wood chips all work well. Cut back the weeds, and apply a thick layer of mulch The deeper the better. For really horrible weeds (or lawn), it’s a foot deep layer.
  • Tilling is acceptable as well. Adding a bit of compost on at the same time is best.

Okay, end of random garden tidbit. I’ve been writing, teaching and offering advice about gardening for so long that I end up writing about it, not really meaning to.